Why are we always at war with Christians??? Jul 8, 2007 18:23:11 GMT -5
Post by aj on Jul 8, 2007 18:23:11 GMT -5
intorqueounus said:I understand its source but would prefer not to blab my childhood problems on a forum, especially when they're so common and trivial anyway.
They are hardly trivial to you. I agree, personal problems are always trivial to other people, but we aren't talking about other people. We are talking about you. I thin you sound like a nice guy, a bit idealist but that isn't a bad thing. I don't think your problem is trivial. I just happen to believe that there is one way to deal with it. You have to come to realize that your value as a person and the value of your beliefs are decided by fiat, yourself alone. Other people, whatever they may think, don't matter. Let them believe what they want. It has no bearing on you unless you let it. You cannot change how other people feel or believe. I have all of human history to back me up on that. Being judgemental is a trait in our blood. You cannot change others, but you can change your own expectations of them.
Its possible whatever I said had some reflection on what I fear my parents will feel when they discover my chosen religion.
This is honest. My question is whether you are afraid of how YOU will feel if they are angry or ashamed, or whether you are afraid of of hurting them? It could be both. You aren't going to change your parent's (or anyone else's) minds on Paganism. They believe what they believe with the same strength of convinction you have. So where does that leave you? I think you have two options as far as your parents are concerned:
1. Don't tell them. Why would you? If you think it will upset them, and they will be happier not knowing, let the dwell in blissful ignorance. You wouldn't be hiding. You are simply being kind and gentle, in the same way we are with the ones we love who ask us if they have gotten too fat.
2. Tell them. Some people, and you sound that way, are only happy when they shout their beliefs to the heavens. They feel like they are being cowardly or hiding otherwise. Your sense of self suffers. If this is you, tell them. If your parents are good people they will still care about you the same. I'm not saying they won't be upset or confused. I'm not saying they won't try to fix what they view as a problem (in fact given the way you talk I'm sure they will... given that you get it from somewhere), but I am suggesting that your parents will remain your parents. You merely need to decide if this desire to be LOUD AND PROUD is more important to you than your daily social interaction being smooth. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Our choices have consequences.
Now, where you are concerned you also have two choices:
1. Keep agonizing about what other people thing.
2. Cast off the fetters of the opinions of others.
It really isn't anymore difficult than that, at least on paper. People never really change. They just distill and become more of what they are. In fact, I'd say that who a person is in fact is formed by the time they are 14-16 years old. Beyond that, you are just polishing up the act, picking up facts, and managing your day to day affairs. That is why I say it is pointless to try and change people.
very nice. havent told them yet and I dont think I ever will. too much stress for them and myself would come from it anyway lol. oh and it was the hurting them I'm afraid of.
on a side note I HATE that part of life - cant change others only yourself , for the most part I like myself and detest the idea of changing who I want to be so that others will like it.
but if we're done with me can we get back to the reason I established this thread?