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Post by Lady Anastasia on Oct 18, 2007 23:55:30 GMT -5
I'm So sorry Em.. Much love to you right now.
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Post by stormcat on Oct 21, 2007 8:11:49 GMT -5
I would also like Wolfs address. I was very disheartened to read of their loss. I'd hoped too, that he would make it. Please except my condolances and prayers. Stormcat
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Post by Wolf on Oct 30, 2007 2:06:37 GMT -5
Charlie David Johnson was born on the 15th of Oct 12:46 am passed on the 16th of Oct at 5:45 pm. i started having small pains at 8:30 am on the 14th but didnt think much of them. until they got really bad and i asked to be taken to hospital sometime in the afternoon. by the time i got to the closest hospital i was 2 cm dilated. had to have a drip put in my hand and steroids in my ass (horrid experience i can tell you!) kinda funny tho.. had to wait for the hospital i was booked into to make room for me then got a ride in an ambulance for 40 mins. reached hospital at 9:30pm. was 9 1/2cms dilated and not a single scream escaped me which everyone was fussing over. had an epidural. and a cesarean. i swear i will never complain of period pains again! damn contractions. slept for a few hours. then somehow managed to get myself into a wheelchair and went to see my baby boy. it was a shock at first. because of the lack of amniotic fluid around him, he bruised easily. plus he was attached to hundreds of horrible tubes. the moment i saw him i just swelled up with pride and love. i didnt realise it'd hit me that hard. he was the most beautiful thing id ever laid eyes on. he was so tiny and after a few long visits i figured out that he had extremely ticklish feet. hehe. he must have got that from me. unfortunately for him he had my nose and eyes.. he had coreys hair and hands. not sure about the feet. i'd post some pictures of him if i didnt think it would disturb some people. then came what we had dreaded.. the obstetrician. she came to us and said that it would probably be best to take his breathing tube out. after a lot of talking and crying we agreed. she said we could go up and give him cuddles. it was wonderful to be able to feel him in my arms for the first time. even if that wonderful feeling was dampened by what i knew was to come next. i will never forget the look on coreys face as he held his son in his arms. then the time came. we got all the pictures we could. then the nurse came and took his tube out. i just sat there with a river running from my eyes onto charlie as he struggled to breathe on his own. there just wasnt much else i could do. i couldnt stand watching and feeling him struggle so after a while i handed him to corey. corey held him as he passed. it felt like the sun in my sky had just disappeared and i was plunged into eternal darkness. still feels that way. i dont feel whole without him. i had better go, this post is huge..
love always
wolf
xxooxx
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Post by Lady Anastasia on Oct 31, 2007 12:02:54 GMT -5
Continued love and energy to you Sweety
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Post by Wolf on Nov 2, 2007 5:20:11 GMT -5
Thanks.. I just have to find the pictures of Charlie, then i'll post some. I dont use this computer much so i've got no idea where anything is.
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Post by stormcat on Nov 2, 2007 14:00:22 GMT -5
Wolf that is the saddest, sweetest thing I've read in a long time. I had to explain why I was crying to my husband, which made it worse. I'm so glad you got to hold your precious love, even for a short time. Take time to heal, there's no rush. Yes I know there are alot of indignities when you go to the Hosp. Sounds like you were very brave. Take care and I'll talk to you soon. =^..^=
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Post by Senbecc on Nov 2, 2007 14:55:21 GMT -5
Thanks.. I just have to find the pictures of Charlie, then i'll post some. I dont use this computer much so i've got no idea where anything is. I've known this was here for sometime now, but didn't know how to respond. It brought back a few memories for me and still does I suppose. I'm still not sure I know exactly what to say so I'll keep it short. We love you Emily and you know this. I want you and Stormy both to know that there is a new site in the works found in the news fader where I would love to find you both, as you're family and I won't see anyone left behind when the transfer begins. love light and laughter
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Post by Lady Anastasia on Nov 2, 2007 21:06:21 GMT -5
Thanks.. I just have to find the pictures of Charlie, then i'll post some. I dont use this computer much so i've got no idea where anything is. Take your time, there's no rush. We're here when you find them and the time to post
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Post by Marcus on Nov 4, 2007 22:08:46 GMT -5
Emily I cant even begin to explain in words how sorry i am for you. I have this awful stabbing pain in my heart thinking of this lose you have had to suffer. I know Niamh feels the same way. Please stay strong Emily.
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Post by Wolf on Dec 13, 2007 5:32:55 GMT -5
thanks guys for your support, love and friendship.. i'm trying to be stong marcus.. i really am. it just gets so hard to cope with somtimes. i'm ashamed to admit that i went back to cutting myself a few weeks ago.. but i will never do it again i swear. what's making everthing worse is the fact that corey and i have been aing some really bad issues. it got so bad i dumped him and called the engagement off. we are now back together and tryin to work things out. i hope we do. fingers crossed. i have found charlies pictures.. there is only one or two that i will post i think that most of the pictures might be little too disturbing for some people.
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Post by Wolf on Dec 13, 2007 6:15:23 GMT -5
corey and charlie: mum and charlie: me and charlie (horrible pic sorry): charlie:
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Post by stormcat on Dec 17, 2007 18:47:41 GMT -5
Dear, dear Wolf, thank you for sharing the pics. Charlie looked like he was taking everything in. I am honored you chose to share the pictures with us. My oldest granddaughter spent 2 weeks in the NICU(neonatal intensive care unit), right after her birth. So the machines don't bother me, it was like yesterday. I hope you and Corey are doing well. I was very glad to see you back on! All my cat love, stormcat >^~.~^<
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Post by Lady Anastasia on Dec 17, 2007 22:34:14 GMT -5
I'm sorry that it took me so long to get into this thread. Thanks for sharing the pictures Em, big hugs and lots of love to you. And, much loves to Little Charlie as well.
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Post by Wolf on Dec 20, 2007 7:55:17 GMT -5
i was starting to get better and then everything had to go wrong again.. coreys ex is living with his mum and she's pregnant she's having a boy and he's due now so close to when charlies origionl due date was.. its so hard. i'm not coping at all. i can't be around her right now can't talk to corey cos he thinks i'm being selfish. honestly, do you think i'm being selfish for not liking coreys ex and not wanting to be around her while she's pregnant after i've just lost my baby..? he is going to be uncle corey to her child so we are basically never going to get her out of our lives. unless she dies. doctors dont think she's gonna live for very long cos she's got some kind of cancer. i feel so sorry for her.. and i feel guilty for not liking her. i dont know what to do. i hate feeling like this. sorry, kinda blabbered again lol
love always
wolf
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Post by Lady Anastasia on Dec 20, 2007 18:17:20 GMT -5
i was starting to get better and then everything had to go wrong again.. coreys ex is living with his mum and she's pregnant she's having a boy and he's due now so close to when charlies origionl due date was.. its so hard. i'm not coping at all. i can't be around her right now can't talk to corey cos he thinks i'm being selfish. honestly, do you think i'm being selfish for not liking coreys ex and not wanting to be around her while she's pregnant after i've just lost my baby..? he is going to be uncle corey to her child so we are basically never going to get her out of our lives. unless she dies. doctors dont think she's gonna live for very long cos she's got some kind of cancer. i feel so sorry for her.. and i feel guilty for not liking her. i dont know what to do. i hate feeling like this. sorry, kinda blabbered again lol love always wolf love you muchly sweety. No, I don't think that you are being selfish, I think that it's a normal reaction.
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