Post by KittyLane on Jan 25, 2007 17:11:18 GMT -5
“Pagan Parenting” is certainly a pop - Wicca / Witchcraft / Neo-Paganism term if ever there was one. If you are Pagan and a parent, then the assumption is that you Pagan parent.
So, do you?
The first instinct is to say 'no' -- don't deny it. It is hard to claim you are doing something if you aren't really sure how to do it.
Part of the issue is that most Pagans aren't sure what part of Pagan they would parent with. Besides, how do you parent with ritual or an eclectic mish mash of pantheons? You find it hard to remember if Litha or Ostara comes first and why they are important, much less bothering with trying to explain that to a three-year-old.
Christians, in relation, seem to have it easier. Slap out a copy of the Ten Commandments and put it on your lawn and there you go! Instant parenting guidelines! Of course, Pagans would have to go and muddle the waters with vague concepts, making parenting even more difficult.
So what are parents to do?
Define Objectives
Start with thinking about what you want to teach your children about Paganism. Ask them what they want to learn about and WHY. The ‘why’ is important. Imagine your eight-year-old says he wants to craft a spell to make his stuffed bear come to life. This tells you that what your child really wants to know is, "What is magic and how does it work?"
A simple game that you could play is to have a Family Moon (a ritual held by a family at the Full Moon). Keep the casting and calling SIMPLE and explain what you are doing as you go. Then during the working portion of the ritual, sit down and tell the kids you want to share your spirituality with them. Explain that you don't want to force them to do anything; however, with their input, it might be fun.
Then play this game:
Start a story. "I am the Mother Priestess of my family coven and we like to...."
Have each child continue the story, taking note about how the story develops, what things they want to talk about and what themes surface. Are they telling you they just want to spend more time with you? Are they telling you they are interested in astronomy or fantasy beings? Do they want to learn magic? Why? What do they think magic is? Do not give your opinion! Let your children have the floor and the attention and be open to the possibilities they reveal.
After this exercise in circle, have cakes and ale and dismiss. When the children go to bed that night, take yourself (or yourself and your mate) and play the game again, only this time, think about what values, skills and information you want to give your children. Do you want to incorporate information about your family's heritage and how it relates to Paganism? Do you want to study a particular type of Paganism? What behavior changes would this new family spirituality be able to create in you and your children?
Craft Rules of Family Coven
After you have some objectives, the Family Coven can begin to craft the Family Coven Rules. All covens, after all, have guidelines for participation.
Before the next Family Moon, you (or you and your mate) need to decide what the Family Coven Rules will be. You are a Mother Priestess or Father Priest. Who can be in your Family Coven? How are children officially welcomed into the Family Coven and at what age? When do children come of age in your Family Coven? What special privileges come with that Rite of Passage? Are there special offices in your Family Coven that the children can fill (a Maiden who makes sure the cakes and ales are prepared before each moon, or a Summoner who makes sure that the shades are pulled and the cats and dogs are put up before ritual)?
Most importantly, consider that being a member of a Family Coven is a 24/7/365 proposition. One family coven has this rule: "You must participate in all conversations in a respectful way or you may not participate." This rule applies in circle or out. If a child begins to pitch a fit, they are permitted to do so in their own room and away from the rest of the family. Instances of temper-tantrums in that family were reduced by 75%. After all, who wants to be separated from their coven and the fun they have?
Have a Cornerstone Date
When you have thought about your objectives and rules, set a special day aside to establish your Family Coven. Get each member of your Family Coven a special gift that they only wear to ritual. Something that says, "You are a member of this Family Coven." Take spiritual oaths to your children and have your children take simple oaths to install them as members. Make being a part of your Family Coven the coolest thing any child could do!
Craft Family Legacy
After setting your cornerstone, begin to craft that legacy. It is important to K.I.S.S. your children (Keep It Simple Silly). They need to know the basics and don't necessarily have to comprehend the intricate details until later.
That said, comprehension, both now and later, is best achieved within a system you and your children can rely upon.
So develop your Family Coven's way and try to work with stable Deities when dealing with your children. Make ritual FUN. Use water to spurge the kids and yourself before ritual and get messy! Convey the meaning of Sabbats simply and focus on one aspect each year. Develop and keep traditions. Dragonstone Family Coven stretches out the putting-up and taking-down of Sabbat decorations over long periods of time. If you come just before Imbolc, the tree is still up with golden balls and golden lights only, representing the returning sun. After Imbolc, the tree comes down; however, the snow men stay until the buds on the trees begin to be apparent.
Get Plugged In!
Don't stand out in the desert of parenting alone. Find others who are Pagan and are parenting in your area. Instead of having a "Wicca 101 Class," host a "Pagan Parenting Forum" and get parents together to discuss how they have incorporated Paganism with parenting. As a group, you are sure to find definitions of Pagan parenting that you have not considered.
Within community, you can also find a network for support. Someone who can help you fetch that sick child from school when you are in the hospital. Someone who can come help you change your tire when your husband is out of town. The Pagan Culture can be difficult to navigate at times; however, if you build your own Family Coven and let part of your first working be to help find that community, then you will find it. Certainly your family can conjure the series of events needed to meet that other isolated Pagan family?
Research Parenting
Don't deny good advice just because it doesn't come with 'Pagan' at the front of it! There are excellent resources for people interested in learning how to parent better. Take advantage of those and while doing the research or reading, ask yourself, "How does this relate to my beliefs as a Pagan?"
These suggestions are simply a place to start and certainly not a comprehensive guideline. What Pagan parenting requires, though, is simple: an objective, some guidelines, a little bit of structure, some help from others in the same boat and a little bit of research and time. You can do it! Have a little faith. You don't have the Ten Commandments - you have something better - magic!
www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usga&c=parent&id=10542
interesting approach - any thoughts?
So, do you?
The first instinct is to say 'no' -- don't deny it. It is hard to claim you are doing something if you aren't really sure how to do it.
Part of the issue is that most Pagans aren't sure what part of Pagan they would parent with. Besides, how do you parent with ritual or an eclectic mish mash of pantheons? You find it hard to remember if Litha or Ostara comes first and why they are important, much less bothering with trying to explain that to a three-year-old.
Christians, in relation, seem to have it easier. Slap out a copy of the Ten Commandments and put it on your lawn and there you go! Instant parenting guidelines! Of course, Pagans would have to go and muddle the waters with vague concepts, making parenting even more difficult.
So what are parents to do?
Define Objectives
Start with thinking about what you want to teach your children about Paganism. Ask them what they want to learn about and WHY. The ‘why’ is important. Imagine your eight-year-old says he wants to craft a spell to make his stuffed bear come to life. This tells you that what your child really wants to know is, "What is magic and how does it work?"
A simple game that you could play is to have a Family Moon (a ritual held by a family at the Full Moon). Keep the casting and calling SIMPLE and explain what you are doing as you go. Then during the working portion of the ritual, sit down and tell the kids you want to share your spirituality with them. Explain that you don't want to force them to do anything; however, with their input, it might be fun.
Then play this game:
Start a story. "I am the Mother Priestess of my family coven and we like to...."
Have each child continue the story, taking note about how the story develops, what things they want to talk about and what themes surface. Are they telling you they just want to spend more time with you? Are they telling you they are interested in astronomy or fantasy beings? Do they want to learn magic? Why? What do they think magic is? Do not give your opinion! Let your children have the floor and the attention and be open to the possibilities they reveal.
After this exercise in circle, have cakes and ale and dismiss. When the children go to bed that night, take yourself (or yourself and your mate) and play the game again, only this time, think about what values, skills and information you want to give your children. Do you want to incorporate information about your family's heritage and how it relates to Paganism? Do you want to study a particular type of Paganism? What behavior changes would this new family spirituality be able to create in you and your children?
Craft Rules of Family Coven
After you have some objectives, the Family Coven can begin to craft the Family Coven Rules. All covens, after all, have guidelines for participation.
Before the next Family Moon, you (or you and your mate) need to decide what the Family Coven Rules will be. You are a Mother Priestess or Father Priest. Who can be in your Family Coven? How are children officially welcomed into the Family Coven and at what age? When do children come of age in your Family Coven? What special privileges come with that Rite of Passage? Are there special offices in your Family Coven that the children can fill (a Maiden who makes sure the cakes and ales are prepared before each moon, or a Summoner who makes sure that the shades are pulled and the cats and dogs are put up before ritual)?
Most importantly, consider that being a member of a Family Coven is a 24/7/365 proposition. One family coven has this rule: "You must participate in all conversations in a respectful way or you may not participate." This rule applies in circle or out. If a child begins to pitch a fit, they are permitted to do so in their own room and away from the rest of the family. Instances of temper-tantrums in that family were reduced by 75%. After all, who wants to be separated from their coven and the fun they have?
Have a Cornerstone Date
When you have thought about your objectives and rules, set a special day aside to establish your Family Coven. Get each member of your Family Coven a special gift that they only wear to ritual. Something that says, "You are a member of this Family Coven." Take spiritual oaths to your children and have your children take simple oaths to install them as members. Make being a part of your Family Coven the coolest thing any child could do!
Craft Family Legacy
After setting your cornerstone, begin to craft that legacy. It is important to K.I.S.S. your children (Keep It Simple Silly). They need to know the basics and don't necessarily have to comprehend the intricate details until later.
That said, comprehension, both now and later, is best achieved within a system you and your children can rely upon.
So develop your Family Coven's way and try to work with stable Deities when dealing with your children. Make ritual FUN. Use water to spurge the kids and yourself before ritual and get messy! Convey the meaning of Sabbats simply and focus on one aspect each year. Develop and keep traditions. Dragonstone Family Coven stretches out the putting-up and taking-down of Sabbat decorations over long periods of time. If you come just before Imbolc, the tree is still up with golden balls and golden lights only, representing the returning sun. After Imbolc, the tree comes down; however, the snow men stay until the buds on the trees begin to be apparent.
Get Plugged In!
Don't stand out in the desert of parenting alone. Find others who are Pagan and are parenting in your area. Instead of having a "Wicca 101 Class," host a "Pagan Parenting Forum" and get parents together to discuss how they have incorporated Paganism with parenting. As a group, you are sure to find definitions of Pagan parenting that you have not considered.
Within community, you can also find a network for support. Someone who can help you fetch that sick child from school when you are in the hospital. Someone who can come help you change your tire when your husband is out of town. The Pagan Culture can be difficult to navigate at times; however, if you build your own Family Coven and let part of your first working be to help find that community, then you will find it. Certainly your family can conjure the series of events needed to meet that other isolated Pagan family?
Research Parenting
Don't deny good advice just because it doesn't come with 'Pagan' at the front of it! There are excellent resources for people interested in learning how to parent better. Take advantage of those and while doing the research or reading, ask yourself, "How does this relate to my beliefs as a Pagan?"
These suggestions are simply a place to start and certainly not a comprehensive guideline. What Pagan parenting requires, though, is simple: an objective, some guidelines, a little bit of structure, some help from others in the same boat and a little bit of research and time. You can do it! Have a little faith. You don't have the Ten Commandments - you have something better - magic!
www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usga&c=parent&id=10542
interesting approach - any thoughts?