Post by KittyLane on Jan 25, 2007 15:06:09 GMT -5
A Teenager In Search of Meaning and, Ultimately, Balance.
I am a teenager…afraid to attach myself to an organized belief system. Like so, so many people whose essays I’ve read here, I was raised a Catholic. Catholic school for seven years, confirmation, Church every single Sunday and holy day of obligation, the whole bit. And what would my parents think to hear that one out of five of their kids is considering witchcraft?
They would assume that this is just some naïve passing phase, and/or that I am just rebelling to get attention. Because I’ve grown up with four siblings to compete with, I have to fight hard to get a scrap of attention. Not that I ever fight that hard- attention doesn’t really interest me anyways. I prefer acknowledgment.
Anyways, they are already worried about my disinclination to attend Church with them. But of course, they think that I am just a teenager whose morals are eroding with every day of high school. Of course, I don’t blame them for thinking this; when I look around at my peers, I almost pity them for their lack of moral fiber and spiritual open-mindedness.
I don’t know when exactly it was that I started to stray from Catholicism. I really don’t think I ever felt completely like that was where I belonged. As a child, I almost felt as though Church was a big piece of clothing; it felt a bit uncomfortable at the present time, but I figured I would grow into it. Little did I know that it wasn’t like that at all. At the time, I figured I just didn’t understand. But now I am becoming an adult and I still can’t seem to understand some of the aspects of Catholicism.
Now that I mention it, I find it hard to understand this one aspect of almost every single belief system I’ve studied so far, accept for Paganism. Not just Catholics, but it seems a majority of belief systems are built upon the ideal of selfishness. Though most of them promote charity and benevolence, the basic principle is: you are good, you get rewarded. Good dog. Not to mention fear is always present. A fear that if you don’t behave the way that you are told, you will be punished. Punishment, reward. It scares everyone straight. But why should a person ever listen to someone else as to what’s right and wrong? Who decides?
I needed to find a way of thinking in which I looked within myself to discover the answers to the questions I sought. So I started studying. I looked into Buddhism and philosophies, and I talked to my closest friends about what they believed. I started thinking about magick, and what it means to me.
There is that first level of magick, that subconscious, psychological push that causes a person to carry out their own spells on their own, with the help of their trust in the spell. Basically, that idea that when a person casts a spell to make them carry out a specific goal, they actually do it all on their own, but it was the spell that gave them the confidence to do so. Like a good luck charm. This of course, was easy to believe in, because it is simple logic. It makes sense. It can be proven.
But what of that other level? What of the mysteries beyond simple subconscious effort? I realize that I know next to nothing of my own powers, and of other people. This is why I’ve decided to study Paganism.
I feel most comfortable here because of so many things. So far, it makes sense to my heart and mind. I don’t feel as if I’m being fed something that I could never buy into. I feel that nature is finally becoming the important part of my life that has replaced the void. I’m starting to feel more like I have the power to control my destiny, rather than that there is some tall, muscled man standing over me, watching me follow an iron track towards my inevitable fate.
I stand on the ground and feel the power of the earth beneath me and the sky above me.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to “worship” a deity, but I will always believe in divine power. To , it exists in nature and in the soul of everyone around me. I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell, in Punishment and Reward. I believe that life will always have negative and positive. It is that balance that I shall always strive to achieve. A perfect world, to me, is not one that is all good. A perfect world to me is like that of Chinese belief, Yin and Yang.
The world cannot exist without bad, just as it cannot exist without good. A completely perfect place would have to be nothing, because one can only judge the goodness of something by a negative. For example, during a busy school year or working season, a vacation day seems like a miracle. But in the summer time, or when one is unemployed, a day of having nothing to do can become a curse after awhile.
And if all violence were taken from the world, how would anyone ever be able to appreciate peace? If all hatred was taken away, how would we be able to experience the miracle that is love and even simple kindness? I like to think that the world right now is the way that it should be. There is negativity everywhere, but we can never experience the ultimate high without feeling that ultimate low. How many faiths believe that the world is a beautiful creation, and that all the wonders of what some consider being heaven are actually right here?
I have to do a lot more studying and research, but I really feel like Paganism is it for me. I find the artistic and natural beauty of it to be so appealing; it makes me feel like this is what life is really about. To finally get back in touch with nature and my deepest inner feelings and subconscious mind-I finally feel like life has the meaning I’ve been searching for. I only hope that the more research I do, the more meaning I can find.
I don’t believe that there is one universal truth, one completely perfect religion that could stretch over all cultures and minds. I think that whatever people want to believe that helps them discover their own gifts and talents and learn to use them for the greatest good, whatever belief people follow that shows them the meaning they have been searching for, that is right for them.
So I will try my best never to judge anyone else’s faith, just as I would hope they would for me.
www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usny&c=teen&id=11071
I am a teenager…afraid to attach myself to an organized belief system. Like so, so many people whose essays I’ve read here, I was raised a Catholic. Catholic school for seven years, confirmation, Church every single Sunday and holy day of obligation, the whole bit. And what would my parents think to hear that one out of five of their kids is considering witchcraft?
They would assume that this is just some naïve passing phase, and/or that I am just rebelling to get attention. Because I’ve grown up with four siblings to compete with, I have to fight hard to get a scrap of attention. Not that I ever fight that hard- attention doesn’t really interest me anyways. I prefer acknowledgment.
Anyways, they are already worried about my disinclination to attend Church with them. But of course, they think that I am just a teenager whose morals are eroding with every day of high school. Of course, I don’t blame them for thinking this; when I look around at my peers, I almost pity them for their lack of moral fiber and spiritual open-mindedness.
I don’t know when exactly it was that I started to stray from Catholicism. I really don’t think I ever felt completely like that was where I belonged. As a child, I almost felt as though Church was a big piece of clothing; it felt a bit uncomfortable at the present time, but I figured I would grow into it. Little did I know that it wasn’t like that at all. At the time, I figured I just didn’t understand. But now I am becoming an adult and I still can’t seem to understand some of the aspects of Catholicism.
Now that I mention it, I find it hard to understand this one aspect of almost every single belief system I’ve studied so far, accept for Paganism. Not just Catholics, but it seems a majority of belief systems are built upon the ideal of selfishness. Though most of them promote charity and benevolence, the basic principle is: you are good, you get rewarded. Good dog. Not to mention fear is always present. A fear that if you don’t behave the way that you are told, you will be punished. Punishment, reward. It scares everyone straight. But why should a person ever listen to someone else as to what’s right and wrong? Who decides?
I needed to find a way of thinking in which I looked within myself to discover the answers to the questions I sought. So I started studying. I looked into Buddhism and philosophies, and I talked to my closest friends about what they believed. I started thinking about magick, and what it means to me.
There is that first level of magick, that subconscious, psychological push that causes a person to carry out their own spells on their own, with the help of their trust in the spell. Basically, that idea that when a person casts a spell to make them carry out a specific goal, they actually do it all on their own, but it was the spell that gave them the confidence to do so. Like a good luck charm. This of course, was easy to believe in, because it is simple logic. It makes sense. It can be proven.
But what of that other level? What of the mysteries beyond simple subconscious effort? I realize that I know next to nothing of my own powers, and of other people. This is why I’ve decided to study Paganism.
I feel most comfortable here because of so many things. So far, it makes sense to my heart and mind. I don’t feel as if I’m being fed something that I could never buy into. I feel that nature is finally becoming the important part of my life that has replaced the void. I’m starting to feel more like I have the power to control my destiny, rather than that there is some tall, muscled man standing over me, watching me follow an iron track towards my inevitable fate.
I stand on the ground and feel the power of the earth beneath me and the sky above me.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to “worship” a deity, but I will always believe in divine power. To , it exists in nature and in the soul of everyone around me. I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell, in Punishment and Reward. I believe that life will always have negative and positive. It is that balance that I shall always strive to achieve. A perfect world, to me, is not one that is all good. A perfect world to me is like that of Chinese belief, Yin and Yang.
The world cannot exist without bad, just as it cannot exist without good. A completely perfect place would have to be nothing, because one can only judge the goodness of something by a negative. For example, during a busy school year or working season, a vacation day seems like a miracle. But in the summer time, or when one is unemployed, a day of having nothing to do can become a curse after awhile.
And if all violence were taken from the world, how would anyone ever be able to appreciate peace? If all hatred was taken away, how would we be able to experience the miracle that is love and even simple kindness? I like to think that the world right now is the way that it should be. There is negativity everywhere, but we can never experience the ultimate high without feeling that ultimate low. How many faiths believe that the world is a beautiful creation, and that all the wonders of what some consider being heaven are actually right here?
I have to do a lot more studying and research, but I really feel like Paganism is it for me. I find the artistic and natural beauty of it to be so appealing; it makes me feel like this is what life is really about. To finally get back in touch with nature and my deepest inner feelings and subconscious mind-I finally feel like life has the meaning I’ve been searching for. I only hope that the more research I do, the more meaning I can find.
I don’t believe that there is one universal truth, one completely perfect religion that could stretch over all cultures and minds. I think that whatever people want to believe that helps them discover their own gifts and talents and learn to use them for the greatest good, whatever belief people follow that shows them the meaning they have been searching for, that is right for them.
So I will try my best never to judge anyone else’s faith, just as I would hope they would for me.
www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usny&c=teen&id=11071