Post by Wolf on Jul 20, 2006 23:23:06 GMT -5
1. When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk
for a year and a half
2. Join the army, see the world, meet interesting
people, and kill them.
3. When everything's coming your way, you're in the
wrong lane.
4. Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
5. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be
there when it happens.
6. I've never been drunk, but often I've been over
served.
7. Always and never are two words you should always
remember never to use.
8. The road to success is always under construction.
9. I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen!
10. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
11. Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of
your time.
12. Born free; Taxed to death.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory; some people
just don't have film.
14. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
15. Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to.
16. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the
paperwork .
17. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the
jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
18. The hardest part of skating is the ice.
19. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot;
the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
20. The trouble with being punctual is that there's no
one there to appreciate it.
21. If our constitution allows us free speech, why are
there phone bills?
22. If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in
the universe, he'll believe
you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been
painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
23. Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!
24. It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden
stop at the end.
25. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn
louder.
26. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino's Law
of Burnt Fingers)
27. Someday is not a day of the week
28. If you can't convince them, confuse them
for a year and a half
2. Join the army, see the world, meet interesting
people, and kill them.
3. When everything's coming your way, you're in the
wrong lane.
4. Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
5. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be
there when it happens.
6. I've never been drunk, but often I've been over
served.
7. Always and never are two words you should always
remember never to use.
8. The road to success is always under construction.
9. I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen!
10. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
11. Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of
your time.
12. Born free; Taxed to death.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory; some people
just don't have film.
14. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
15. Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to.
16. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the
paperwork .
17. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the
jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
18. The hardest part of skating is the ice.
19. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot;
the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
20. The trouble with being punctual is that there's no
one there to appreciate it.
21. If our constitution allows us free speech, why are
there phone bills?
22. If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in
the universe, he'll believe
you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been
painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
23. Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!
24. It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden
stop at the end.
25. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn
louder.
26. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino's Law
of Burnt Fingers)
27. Someday is not a day of the week
28. If you can't convince them, confuse them