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Post by nevyn on Feb 15, 2007 17:54:18 GMT -5
Morgy's kicked the bug (pun here, she's nicknamed Bug) without having to go to the doctors. Thank Goddess and green stones! I had her grasp a green rock I have in my tumbled stone collection and visualized her flooded with green light. Asked the archangels for their help too.
I had a very quiet Valentine's Day, which is what I asked for. We have fought every single year since we got together. I asked for a Valentine's Day that we didn't fight. We were able to do it, but of course, we had to fight first thing this morning to make up for it. It friggin snowed finally, so C. was happy about that. After a full winter of nothing but warm then cold, we got 10 inches or so yesterday. So did 1/2 of the rest of the country, and we didn't even get that much compared to places in New York and northern New Hampshire...feet of snow. I hope that all the people who were performing snow dances will quit now. The roads and sidewalks are clogged with snow and slush and it's dangerous and sloppy to walk in. This is why I don't like the snow. The aftermath.
I am back to trying to be optimistic and to think positively. I really don't want to be in a funk, it's not any fun.
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Post by nevyn on Feb 18, 2007 10:37:10 GMT -5
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Post by nevyn on Feb 22, 2007 10:40:19 GMT -5
let's try a new color....I don't like how the letters are blending nicely with the background of the posts....so black it is.
kids are at home all this week because of Feb vacation, and they will be lucky to live to see their next school day. my oldest wants a "better" mommy and they both think that daddy yells at them too much. they are soooooo lucky that all he does is yell. his mother and father both beat him during his childhood, so he could easily carry on the tradition. he's really trying not to lash out at them like his parents did him. They are both getting to the age where they are trying to stretch the apron strings. I just have to remember to be patient with them and to hold on to my temper as well. i wasn't hit, but dad the drill instructor was very good at tearing my brother and i down verbally.
c. is out trying to find some work. we need the money desperately. i've put out green rocks, lit green candles, prayed....money is running out and only working 18 h/week isn't going to cut it. i've got to try to get the DI to loan me some cash to get the car on the road. we cannot find better jobs until we can travel to them. being on the bus line isn't conductive to finding work. this area is so depressed and the time frames available for busing is very small. i could easily earn up to $500/week if i could be a traveling manager...don't want management again but will do it for the bucks! but i need at least $750 to put the car on the road. I don't have $75, let alone $750. damn those excise taxes and sales taxes and inspection fees, and title switching fees and insurance and registration....damn Taxachusetts too.
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Post by nevyn on Feb 23, 2007 20:21:30 GMT -5
 this is a montage of baby/childhood pictures that my mother is asking that I scan and print for her. it's nice to have them, i left every thing i had in vegas. i'm going to have to grab some more from her so i can have them!  |
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Post by nevyn on Feb 23, 2007 20:27:18 GMT -5
I've done lots of theater....
plays i was involved with in High School
plays i was involved with after grad until now.
I'm going to audition for the summer short play festival again this year, done it 2 years running now. hope i get something funny 
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Post by nevyn on Mar 6, 2007 8:53:03 GMT -5
OH MY GODS AND GODDESSES! CREATIVE PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIOS IS HIRING!! I've been walking past their windows for the past 13 years or so and have been drooling for the opportunity to work there. I could do such good work for them. They are so established in this area, and it would be a real opportunity for me. I've bashed them a bit being with the other companies, I know, but I just am that much better than them. And I know it.
I really need this job. This is the opportunity that I think has come my way to get me out of this situation. I can walk to work if I wanted to. I would be doing something that I love for a studio that can pay good and that can help me get the skills I need to do this entirely on my own. I can still do the weddings, I'll make sure of that ~ I don't think that they do that kind of business.
I've got to get an e-mail together with some samples and send that off. gotta go. PRAY FOR ME!!!!!!
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Post by nevyn on Mar 9, 2007 20:07:44 GMT -5
:ocrush from high school just e-mailed me with his number. what do I do? c. told me i'd be better off w/o him. happened the same day. are these a sign that i've been praying for? i sent him e-mail saying pretty much the same as above. let's see what happens.
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Post by nevyn on Mar 10, 2007 10:36:01 GMT -5
this is what has transpired up to this point...
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: patrick
Date: Mar 9, 2007 3:42 PM
My number is xxxxxxxxxxxxx if you want to catch up. Talk to you later.
Patrick
------------------------original message-------------
From: LilacLady
Date: Mar 9, 2007 5:02 PM
oh, boy. you really have thrown me for a loop. i've been having real problems with my partner of 10 years and he sat me down today and told me that i need to do better than him. i then get this e-mail from this guy that i had a crazy crush on in high school. then i get his number. do i call him? am i supposed to be doing this at this time in my life when i've been begging for a sign from above. how much do i tell him? what if he just wants to be friends? Will I scare him away? Should I even be thinking of anything more than a pen pal/friend right now, which is always welcome? those are the things that were running through my mind 20 years ago and still haunt me today. how much do you want to know?
-------------------------Original Message---------------------
From: Patrick
Date: March 9, 2007
Your life sounds like mine right about now. I didn't know that you had a crush on me. (BLUSHING) It would be nice to catch up and see whats been going on in the past twenty years. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one with all of the questions. Oh by the way I don't get scared too easy anymore. What ever makes you comfortable as long as we can still be friends in the end.
Talk to you soon
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Post by Senbecc on Mar 10, 2007 19:28:32 GMT -5
Sounds like something you might want to pursue.
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Post by nevyn on Mar 13, 2007 8:28:49 GMT -5
sigh....
i really don't know what to do. do I stay with what i have and have the potential for a family (if we could only forget the bad things that have happened the past 10 years) or I do end the relationship that I'm in and stand on my own, on the off chance that someone from 20 years ago will even WANT to be associated with me?
Even while I'm discussing with my partner the ways that we can stay together, something in the back of my mind is asking me why i am doing all this work. I don't want to continue having the type of relationship i've had and i don't know if i can have anything but with c. We always seem to throw the past back at each other. I really think that i'm trying to save the FAMILY unit that we have. We make a great family, but as partners, we lack....mutual understanding. He doesn't understand my way of thinking and my way of doing things and I don't understand his. And we cannot find ways to communicate with out fighting.
What I really want is some time to think, some time to be alone and explore what's going on inside me without having to explain to someone else right now. I cannot have that if I want c. He says if we aren't together totally, he's not waiting for me to figure out what's up.....well....this is not getting me any rest before work. I'm going to leave it as I am confused as hell and need to find full time work and plan on supporting myself, because if I decide that I need some time to work this out, I'm going to be doing it on my own.
I've pulled some cards on the situation....
past..
the lovers
present....
9 swords
future....
tower
clarifier.....
moon
for those tarot readers....any comments? I've got my interp, but always interested in other's ideas. As tarot readers know, many people have problems being objective in readings for themselves.
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Post by nevyn on Mar 19, 2007 8:32:03 GMT -5
life still in upheaval, relationship in peril. i'm tired of being sad and angry and defensive. but the thought of ending this endeavor sends me to panic and denial.
looking for full time work, forget the business. i need to be able to support the family now, not in the future. i'll still free lance on my weekends, but i cannot focus on building a business out of matchsticks now.
the tower card really reflects my situation and mindset right now. our foundation is cracked and i don't know if we are going to take the cost out to repair/repour it or if we need to start over again elsewhere.
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Post by stormcat on Mar 19, 2007 15:55:08 GMT -5
Here I'm throwing you a lifeline, and a pray hope the fog clears...>^..^<
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Post by nevyn on Mar 20, 2007 8:24:53 GMT -5
thank you. just trying to get through each day. that's all i can do. i'm going back to my old signature!
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Post by stormcat on Mar 20, 2007 16:58:04 GMT -5
Dear that's all we can do, one day at a time....>^..^<
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Post by nevyn on Mar 27, 2007 8:38:02 GMT -5
just keep on swimming. I've not been honest with my fiance. I have admitted that. I have to deal with that fact. I've broken his trust. I've done silly things that were done innocently that backfired. I did something he warned me that he would not accept in our relationship. I lied. I continued to lie after the fact that he read my private stuff and discovered my lie. He brok my trust and privacy, but that doesn't matter in his eyes. My error is "bigger" than his. Maybe "broader" is a better word. Anyway, I digress. I am working at the issue at hand. I need to tell the truth. I don't want to, it's easier to say what I think that the person wants to hear. I don't know why I keep this bad trait. I've been hating it and wanting to stop it and each time something I don't want to deal with comes up, I lie to get out of it. Or I don't say anything. Why is that? People I've asked tell me it's because I am influenced by Virgo...  I'm not versed in Astrology, so I don't pretend to understand. Why can't I get over this block that makes me be able to have this wonderful retort in my head and I cannot get it past my lips. I can feel the blocking and nothing I do can push it out. Especially if I feel that the person will not like what I have to say. What the fuck can I do? How does one get out from under the influence of Virgo?  past~ Tower present~ 10 Swords future~ 3 Pentacles clairification/significator~ Queen of Swords I hate that tower. I'm so sick of it. I want to get beyond it. I hope that's why it's now in the past position. I know that damage has been done to the foundation, still assessing the extent of said damage. the swords always stump me. I don't like that suit. I don't understand it. It deals with logic. That has always been a very weak point with me. But this looks like how I feel. which of my endevors should I be focusing on? the photography or the management (again discussed me taking full time management with the coffee pusher I work for)? I'm hoping the former but am dreading the latter. I only managed the studios because I was able to do something I loved along with it. I hate managment. which brings me to queenie....I either need to be more like the queen or I am being too much like her. I usually am the queen of cups or pentacles. see here's that sword prejudice again. Do I need to be cold and logical and look at the matter objectively? anyone? anyone? Bueler? Bueler? |
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